Instant Awesome Boyfriend

Friday night I stayed in. And I am ok with it. And I would like everyone else in the world to be ok with it. And I would really like it if the television shows that come on on a Friday night did not feel the need to shame me for it. Not sure what I'm talking about?

Well.

I attempted to watch some random movie on Oxygen (I know) with Janine
Garafalo where she's some matchmaker datey-thinger and I didn't know what the name of it was but this thing that popped up on the screen said "Instant Awesome Boyfriend." So this, I assume, is the name of the movie.

It is not.

What is it? It is this...I don't even know...skit? that comes on before and after the commercial breaks where this allegedly handsome man talks to the camera like the helpless, unsuspecting, not even remotely enjoying the television any longer, viewer is his girlfriend.

And he is their Instant Awesome Boyfriend who tells his Buddies that he's going to miss the Game to hang out with his Lady and who tells his Honey that he's really enjoying the movie and isn't it funny and let's talk more after the movie because he doesn't want to miss anything. And then he makes you dessert.

And then? When the movie is over?

He proPOSES to you!

This is the Instant Awesome Boyfriend? I do not want a woman for a boyfriend. The Instant Awesome Boyfriend for me? Buttons his shirt up all the way, uses my name, and frankly, buys me a nicer ring.

Stop it, Oxygen.