This Will Surprise Exactly No One

Now, I’m sure some of you who read this, assuming anyone does, have thought to yourself at least once, “This girl is a mess, it’s a wonder she doesn’t fall down and hurt herself.”

Well.

So, today, blah blah interview, we’ll see what happens and I’ll let you know and until then don’t ask me, ok? Feeling pretty good about myself and my new shoes that are still comfortable after the first four hours, I head off toward home after the interview is over. I’m waiting for my bus, and I of course have just missed one and the next one is coming in half an hour. Of course it is! Because it’s not like it was freezing and windy. Except that it was. But, no problem because I have on comfortable shoes and I actually think to myself the following things over the course of my wait, “I’m so glad these shoes are comfortable,” “I wonder what would happen if I fall down,” “Shit, my heel just got stuck in the dirt,” “That would be so embarrassing if I had fallen down, good thing these shoes are easy to walk in,” “How funny was it when I fell in the mud? It was funny but that’s enough with the falling,” “Or how about when I fell in Mary Ann Mayer’s boyfriend’s garage? That was funny but again, let’s be done with the falling, especially when we are doing so well with our new shoes.” “Excellent point, definitely let’s be careful.” And so on and so forth and I think it’s pretty obvious that this dialogue in my head was serving as karma’s alarm clock.

Then, the bus comes! Yay, bus! There are approximately 0-1 people on the bus and approximately 0-1 people waiting for the bus. Not exactly packed. Yet, somehow in the hustle and bustle of one person disembarking, and one person (it’s me just in case you’re not catching on) getting on the bus, a bus that isn’t scheduled to depart for yet another ten minutes…I. Wipe. Out.

Where once there was my head, there is air. Where once there was my ass, there is my head. Where once there was curb, there is my ass. Where once there was shoe, there is no shoe. Where once there were two functioning ankles, there are not so much two as much as one functioning and one aching. Where once there was one fucked up back there is still a fucked up back, only now it is cold because it is lying where there once was sidewalk.

Awesome.

Anyway, I bought new shoes and they make me very happy. That, apparently, will have to be enough because the One. Good. Thing. has yet to appear.