Great. Now I'm Mean and Evil

I just wigged on my mom.

I mean seriously wigged out freaked out wigged.

It went a little something like this:

Mom: I have some ideas about your "dilem-

Me: No

Mom: -ma" or not dilemma, job finding problem

Me: I don't wanna hear it

Mom: Well I'm going to tell you anyway

Me: No!

Mom: Why not? What if it's good advice?

Me: Because I can't hear it and it's everyone I know has something to say and I just can't and please and I've just...had enough and I just can't hear it (and so on and so forth for a long time with no sense-making in sight)

Mom: Fine, crazy bi-yotch, I'm out.

Ok, so I'm paraphrasing, but still...it wasn't good. I was very stumbly and couldn't really get anything out coherently and now I feel mean and evil but the thing is, I feel like everyone in my life now thinks I'm an idiot who has not even one fucking clue as to how to find a job because I haven't found one. Which I know is not the case but I am miserable and defensive and apparently, given to fits of irrational anger that make it impossible for my mother to stay in the same room with me because I'm so scary and mean. Great! I wasn't really angry so much as shrieky and crazy but it probably all comes off the same way.

What I want is for me to be mean and surly and secretive and mute about my own life and for everyone else just to take it, ok?

Of course that's not fucking ok! I know, but I have apparently turned into a lunatic. Bad news to say the least.

Quite possibly that whole exchange could have been avoided by me having my mom read my earlier blog entry but I'm keeping it from my parents what with all the bad bad words...although my dad has said "asshole" about three times this year in front of me. But most times he's referring to Peter Jennings and really, what other word is there that describes him so accurately? UFOs? Go back to Canada, fool.

Anyway, the point is, you only think you're feeling bad until you're mean to your mom. That, my friends, is always worse.

Update: All better now. She can't stay mad at me. I'm the giant sub to her Homer.